I Think I'm a Human Doing

I was challenged recently to be a human being. A rather strange challenge, since by all outward appearances, I am just that. (Little did they know.... just kidding. This isn't the place for zombie novels). However, if someone were to observe my life, they might give me the more apt designation of "human doing." I am a typical "good student." I don't say that to be arrogant but to point out that for all my work that others might label good and accomplished, a good and loving Creator might say I've missed the point.

Recently, I've had much more time on my hands than I have had for the past 6 semesters. I purposefully took a lighter class load so that I would have time to apply to graduate school. However, I find my self spending time, not applying for graduate school or studying for the Biology GRE, but sitting around, reading a book, watching a TV show, or going to bed at 10 p.m. And, you know what? I feel amazing. But I also feel the creeping shadow of guilt in the back of my mind. I'm flying in the face of my Asian-mother-instilled work ethic. I'm turning a cold shoulder to the Protestant pillar of good-hard work that I've become all too familiar with. What am I to make of all this?

This creeping feeling of guilt is where the challenge lies. I'm bad at the "being" part of human being. I impose an artificial structure on my time so that no second is left empty. Don't get me wrong, I've been known to procrastinate and sneak in a TV show here or there when I should be finishing my chemistry homework, yet when I find myself with extra time, I feel uncomfortable, as though something active and productive should be filling the void of that empty space. Here I am presented with another challenge, my activity is often propelled by my passion for learning or by a desire to take advantage of every amazing opportunity. Inherently, these motivations are not bad, but this is, again, the challenge of balance.

College is a strange place for people like me because we tend to do well by the school's standards. I have a feeling though, that if I were being graded on my success in fully living into my humanity, I would have less than an A+. Perhaps I and those like me should be reorienting our mark of success, making the goal "live well" rather than "do well."

Now, friends, to preserve our humanity, I think we should all go enjoy a mug of [favorite warm beverage] and curl up with a good novel. :)

Peace,
Anna